Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
