O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
