you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
