i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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