I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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