My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
