if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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