I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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