I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
