let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
