All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
