I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
