Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
