I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
