he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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