Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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