I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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