If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
