The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
