you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
