One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
