is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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