absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
