today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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