12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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