I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
