not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
