I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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