So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
