Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
