yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
