And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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