Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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