Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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