I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just cut my nipple shaving
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
