I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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