just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
