Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
