It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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