I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Found the puke drawer
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
