SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
