I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
