the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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