Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How does it feel to date your dad?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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