Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
