You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
