recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
