Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
