Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
