A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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