You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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