You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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