Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
